I felt as though I was constantly under observation - being judged, criticized and gaslit.Įven when everything else was ok - and I could catch a short break from the constant stream of negative, intrusive thoughts - I still always carried a sense of anxiety, bordering on panic. This strategy was effective, but quickly left me feeling completely burned out and depressed. I figured out that if I could keep my mind completely focused on a task, or totally absorbed in an activity, I could catch a break from the intrusive auditory irregularities. With my condition out in the open, it was much easier to find a path through this difficult period. I eventually opened up to my family about it, and they tried their best to understand. I’m not sure I could have explained it if I tried.
#Anxiety and auditory hallucinations how to#
I had no idea how to talk about this experience. They were frequently judgmental, malicious, vindictive and passive aggressive. I call it an auditory “irregularity,” but from my perspective it felt like a horde of uninvited guests had set up shop in my mind. Every waking hour of my day was filled with unwanted, and intrusive auditory irregularities. This bizarre phenomenon became a daily occurrence for me. During 2019, I began to regularly hear voices from no apparent physical source. Then, five years later, with schizoaffective disorder. Yet, I remember being completely conscious during the entire experience.Īt age 28, I was diagnosed with bipolar type 1. Obviously, I found no monster in the Lego box. Eventually, I found the courage to get up and confront my fear. I was frozen in fear for what felt like an eternity I just laid there trying to decide what to do. I couldn’t make out the words, but the whole experience incited a deep sense of panic. I recall that the voice sounded deep, masculine and muffled.
I was about five years old that night, in 1989, when I thought I heard “something scary” talking from the Lego box in my closet.
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